HappyDino

Life Lessons

Have you ever noticed that the tests in life are repeated over and over again until you learnt the 'true' lesson behind them?

For example, since I am naturally short-tempered, I have come across people in my life who loves pushing my buttons. I am like a porcupine yet there are always some people who just love to poke me to observe my reaction. In anger, I wish to shoot my quills at them but I just cannot. Why? Because they need to be in contact to my quills for these 'mini-missiles' to target them, and they are smart enough to use a stick rather than their fingers. So, I will explode in anger and they will be miles away from me. That makes me look like a crazy person to others.

Well, that lesson came too often that I realized I failed in every one of them. My feelings and actions to the provocation was too dramatic. If you were to look at it as a game of life, it means I never made it to the next level. I was stuck! It sucks to know I was at a plateau.

Then again, patience is not a skill that you get immediately after the realization. I am still improving on that. My limits of patience has increased and so has the level of difficulty of these provocators. You have the minions, the middle bosses and the big bosses.

I learnt to not take the minor problems to heart, to maintain my heart in equilibrium most of the time (mainly by supplicating and becoming God conscience), and to always think before I react.


Just something I wish to leave a note to myself and all... A reminder to my and all 'future self', to carry on in life knowing that "Hey, you did well! You changed for the better ^_^".    

Mine

Numb Heart

After everything that had happened, I realized how numb I was to emotional pain. My logical mind is now in control. It sensed the danger of any incoming possible situations that would hurt me and it will trigger my defence to be up. I will close myself from that person, which includes staying away from him or asking him straight if he meant to hurt me. 

My mom described me as being hard-hearted. I called it "a way to protect myself and survive in this world". I admit that is not the right way to handle things, but for now, it is the only way I know to buy some time for my broken heart to heal. 

I read a quote "Truth is, everyone is going to hurt you; you just got to find the ones worth suffering for". It made re-look at my state. Maybe I just have not met the right person. Am I expecting too much from a person? I admit that I am not perfect so I should not have expected anyone to be as well. 

Even in this state, I believe that my family will always be the core of my heart.   

My Hardest Battle, with Myself

"Life is not meant to be easy. If it is, there will not be a need for heaven."

A quote I read online. And I agree. 

In my short time here, I realized that challenges are there in life for us to learn and mature. It will also repeat itself until we pass them. It is like a game with many levels, without destroying the boss of that level, there is no way one can go to the next level (unless you have cheat codes). Plus, everyone is at a different difficulty level. Most adventurous gamers would go for the highest difficulty, while others prefer the easy or medium. In life, the type of challenges all of us are facing is dependent upon the resilience of the individual. Unfortunately, we do not know of our breaking point. But God knows, he is our creator, of course he knows. All the challenges he gives, is at a level that is catered for us individually. It is like a personalized game dedicated to each and every one of us.

My biggest challenge is the emotional aspect. Maybe I am too logical, too black and white, too square. I am now learning how to handle relationships. I had never analyzed the meaning and dynamics of family, friends and colleagues. It is surprising that I managed to breeze through life in ignorance. Things happened, and I was forced to think about them. I acknowledge my ignorance, my stubbornness and my failed logic in many disillusioned conclusions. I questioned "trust". 

Years passed and I am still learning about it. But, I am grateful for everything that happened. I will never say it out aloud and will feign disappointment in public when people ask about it. For all the bad things that happened, the good things outnumbered the bad. And when I looked back at the bad things, there is always good lessons that comes out from it. ^_^ Thank you, God.