Habit Challenge

I read that a habit is formed in 30 days. That seemed simple! I tired it a couple of times throughout my studies. Personally, I lack the discipline to make it stick as a habit. Nevertheless, there were successful moments.

In the past, instead of 30 days, I would add in a routine every semester. For instance, I would read through my lecture slides before the start of my lectures to have a better idea of the upcoming lecture. It helped because I was able to take notes only on the information that were not in the slides. It saved time. Plus, I was able to concentrate on the ideas rather than the details.

In the next semester, I added an additional step. To completely understand my notes before I attempted my tutorial questions. I would sit through a round of the recorded lecture to ensure I ironed out all confusion. In most cases, if there were still ambiguity, the internet and the recommended textbooks are the best source of answers.

You get the gist. That was during my studies. Alhamdulillah (Glory and Praise be upon Allah), I graduated.



The idea of this 'habit challenge' is taking small consistent baby steps. Everyone of us know ourselves better - our limits to change, our discipline threshold, our goals we wished to achieve, etc. This means I have to set my 'challenge' for myself!

Unconsciously, I was following these steps:

1. Set a goal (its progress has to be traceable). 
2. State the steps (your action) to achieve the goal. 
3. Set a reward upon the completion of each action. 

For example,

Goal:           Increase my grades in the new semester

Action:        Make a condensed notes for each chapter before the final exam

Reward:      An episode of a Korean drama

Discipline matters in implementing the reward system. Never stray from it. Reward yourself only after the action is done. It gets easier as time passed and a HABIT is BORN! ^_^ Congratulations.

Say Something...

I never understood why people stay silent when it is obvious they want something so badly. This song is about relationship, but think about it, it can be for anything. Even something minor like the sharing of food!!! (A foodie may take this example to heart. haha...)

Anyways, I guess innately, we have the thinking that "I shall remain silent so I will not hurt him/her" or "I do not want to ruin his/her future, I shall keep my feelings to myself".

No matter how noble it is, is it really better to keep the other party in the dark? Come on...  Isn't it unfair to him/her? Any decision made by your beloved would be biased because he/she was not informed of the whole aspect of the situation.

The best examples will be the plots in many dramas - not informing a blind parent that his/her child has passed away, hiding the love for someone just because he/she will be going overseas, etc. Keeping hush always end up in regret, sadness and anger for the oblivious one once he/she uncovers the truth.

Trust is harder to repair after it is broken. Just tell the truth and allow the other time to heal.

  

List of Useful Phone Apps

Insyha Allah, someone else may find these useful as I have. 
I shall add more as the time passes. 


Islam: 

• Muslim Central Audio 

• Ayat Al-Quran (King Saudi University Project) 

• Quran iLite

• Bayyinah TV (needs subscription to Bayyinah TV)

Time Tracker/Saver:

• OFFTIME

Expenses:

• Monefy

Travel:

• HERE WeGo (Offline Maps & GPS)

Personality Test - Mediator

According to 16 Personalities, I am a 'Mediator'!

That explains a lot of my actions. Almost 90% of the description is spot-on. I planned to improve on my weakness and being self aware is the first step.

Hopefully everything works out...

2017

A new year, a new beginning. Forgive and forget the pain, remember the lessons & MARCH ON!

Life Lessons

Have you ever noticed that the tests in life are repeated over and over again until you learnt the 'true' lesson behind them?

For example, since I am naturally short-tempered, I have come across people in my life who loves pushing my buttons. I am like a porcupine yet there are always some people who just love to poke me to observe my reaction. In anger, I wish to shoot my quills at them but I just cannot. Why? Because they need to be in contact to my quills for these 'mini-missiles' to target them, and they are smart enough to use a stick rather than their fingers. So, I will explode in anger and they will be miles away from me. That makes me look like a crazy person to others.

Well, that lesson came too often that I realized I failed in every one of them. My feelings and actions to the provocation was too dramatic. If you were to look at it as a game of life, it means I never made it to the next level. I was stuck! It sucks to know I was at a plateau.

Then again, patience is not a skill that you get immediately after the realization. I am still improving on that. My limits of patience has increased and so has the level of difficulty of these provocators. You have the minions, the middle bosses and the big bosses.

I learnt to not take the minor problems to heart, to maintain my heart in equilibrium most of the time (mainly by supplicating and becoming God conscience), and to always think before I react.


Just something I wish to leave a note to myself and all... A reminder to my and all 'future self', to carry on in life knowing that "Hey, you did well! You changed for the better ^_^".    

Numb Heart

After everything that had happened, I realized how numb I was to emotional pain. My logical mind is now in control. It sensed the danger of any incoming possible situations that would hurt me and it will trigger my defence to be up. I will close myself from that person, which includes staying away from him or asking him straight if he meant to hurt me. 

My mom described me as being hard-hearted. I called it "a way to protect myself and survive in this world". I admit that is not the right way to handle things, but for now, it is the only way I know to buy some time for my broken heart to heal. 

I read a quote "Truth is, everyone is going to hurt you; you just got to find the ones worth suffering for". It made re-look at my state. Maybe I just have not met the right person. Am I expecting too much from a person? I admit that I am not perfect so I should not have expected anyone to be as well. 

Even in this state, I believe that my family will always be the core of my heart.   

My Hardest Battle, with Myself

"Life is not meant to be easy. If it is, there will not be a need for heaven."

A quote I read online. And I agree. 

In my short time here, I realized that challenges are there in life for us to learn and mature. It will also repeat itself until we pass them. It is like a game with many levels, without destroying the boss of that level, there is no way one can go to the next level (unless you have cheat codes). Plus, everyone is at a different difficulty level. Most adventurous gamers would go for the highest difficulty, while others prefer the easy or medium. In life, the type of challenges all of us are facing is dependent upon the resilience of the individual. Unfortunately, we do not know of our breaking point. But God knows, he is our creator, of course he knows. All the challenges he gives, is at a level that is catered for us individually. It is like a personalized game dedicated to each and every one of us.

My biggest challenge is the emotional aspect. Maybe I am too logical, too black and white, too square. I am now learning how to handle relationships. I had never analyzed the meaning and dynamics of family, friends and colleagues. It is surprising that I managed to breeze through life in ignorance. Things happened, and I was forced to think about them. I acknowledge my ignorance, my stubbornness and my failed logic in many disillusioned conclusions. I questioned "trust". 

Years passed and I am still learning about it. But, I am grateful for everything that happened. I will never say it out aloud and will feign disappointment in public when people ask about it. For all the bad things that happened, the good things outnumbered the bad. And when I looked back at the bad things, there is always good lessons that comes out from it. ^_^ Thank you, God. 

Detachment #2: Time-Wasters

I waste my time a LOT. I never intended to, but majority of the time I do. Facebook and Youtube are my source of time-wasters. I only blame myself for not having a strict rigid schedule for my life.

Is anyone like me? Everything I do is dependent on my mood. Take this post, I had the urge to write what is on my mind and I am typing it now. My "To-do" list is empty, mainly because everything I intend to do has no set deadline. And when someone push a task to me without prior notice, I will get upset even if I am free at that time.

So many defects in myself. Well, no use in drowning in my own self-pity. I am going to change. Gambatte!

I will now commit myself to not wasting my time. There will still be entertainment, it will just be limited. Throughout my life, I have had successful time-saving strategies. Unfortunately, I tend to drop the habit as soon as my amount of responsibilities lessen or when I felt that I was too extreme. Another reason will be to numb myself from the situation I am in. I have been trying my best to find the balance in freeing up my time for family, friends and self versus immersing myself in my interests (learning new subjects or skills).



Step 1: CHANGING MY MINDSET
My mood should not dictate my activities.
Time is precious, do not waste it.
Be a productive human.
By these 3 simple sentences, let me reboot my mind and code them into my brain.


Step 2: LIST ACTIVITIES, SET A TIMETABLE & STICK TO IT
Paper, pen and Google calendar. I shall give myself this coming week to adjust myself to the routine.
It will be a long-term commitment and will not be easy. Let's see how this goes.


     

Airplane Rides

It is nice to escape from life once in a while. Traveling is so easy these days. Book an airplane ticket, be present for the flight, and I arrive in a new country where no one knows me.



During my first few flights, the idea of being in the skies was exciting. How can such a big airplane fly? I know there are physics concepts behind that, but my curiosity was there. I was excited, my eyes were big and shining, like a kid. There will be a background countdowns in my mind at takeoff and landing times. The increasing pressure within the cabin gave me an adrenaline rush. In the skies, the sky looked amazing! A horizon of fluffy clouds was beautifully lighted by the rays of the sun. Due to that I loved the window seat.




Now, I am still amazed by the beauty out the window but I am not bothered if I am not able to get my window seat. It is because, I always got distracted by the entertainment at my seat. For the price I paid, I felt the compulsion to watch to the newest movies or listen to the newest songs. As soon as I am onboard and sitting comfortably on my seat, I immediately get my headphones ready and start browsing through the huge selection of videos and songs. I only realized that my body was on auto mode during my last trip. No matter how sleepy I was, my body just moved and I will force myself to finish the season of "The Big Bang Theory".



This is not a good sign. Why am I distracted from the beauty that God has created? What changed? I was not like that before, I want my old me back... I sounded like a kid throwing a fit. ^_^
  

 

 

Shopping/Food Heaven in Bangkok

Bangkok is very accessible with the introduction of their train systems. It is possible to drive straight into the shopping craze as soon as you arrive at Suvarnabhumi Airport. Make your way to the Airport Rail Link train at B2 of the airport and travel to the various shopping heaven below.    

There will always be 2 prices that they will quote; "single price" (1 piece) and "wholesale price" (2 or more pieces). For wholesale prices, some stores might limit that to buying more than 1 piece of the SAME design. Better to ask than assume. Plus, try bargaining a few bahts off.


1.  Pratunam Market

Via the red Airport Rail Link, stop at Ratchaprarop station. The whole area of Pratunam Market is a packed, messy mixture of clothing, accessories and street food. It is impossible to cover everything in a single day. 

Plus, there are the morning and night shifts for some food street stalls. The food at the streets are more delicious and cheaper than those in a regular stores. For only 150baht, you can get a medium-sized bowl of seafood tom yum soup! Halal stalls and stores are hard to spot but they are there, try venturing into the nooks and crannies of the alleys and look for the halal signs.    

Be careful of the traffic of vehicles on the cramped street. It was horrific and sad to see a flattened rat along the street.  

2.  Platinum Fashion Mall

Platinum Mall is famous with tourists. It is a walking distance from Pratunam Market. The mall is organized to clothing in the first 3 levels, bags and shoes in the next few levels, and their foodcourt in the highest level 6. Added plus point, it is air-conditioned. 

For the Muslims, there is only 1 halal stall at their foodcourt selling "yellow rice with chicken" and "yong tau fu". The desserts there are great as well.

3. Chatuchak Weekend Market

This is further. Transfer to the pale green Sukhumvit Line and ride to Mo Chit station. Once there, just follow the crowd to the market. 

The market is open on Saturdays and Sundays at 9am to 6pm, and Fridays at 6pm to midnight. The place is supposedly sectioned into many categories according to their products (Map of Chatuchak Market). For me, I am not bothered about those sections. Just walk around leisurely and you will stumble upon some great finds. 

There are lots to shop for there but hydrate yourself with the fresh coconut water or some amazing Coca-Cola flavours (e.g. cherry) from the stalls.

      

4.  Artbox 

Episode 5 of the event just ended on the 9th August 2015. I do hope they would continue with more episodes to come. The last venue was at Makkasan Railway Station via the Airport Rail Link.

Their concept of using plain white shipping containers for a storefront rather than regular tentage was interesting. The outdoor event was lighted with strings of bright yellow lights, giving it a magical feeling. There was even a live band playing with engaging hosts. Visitors were even encouraged to participate in their games.

Clothing, food and music. There are many stalls that sell handmade goods. For instance, passport covers, bags, perfumed flowers and printed T-shirts. (more info)

         

5.  Siam Paragon

Plopped yourself at Siam Station, on the pale green Sukhumvit Line. Siam Paragon is an air-conditioned mall with high-end brand stores, regular stores (e.g. Isetan), food stores and a cinema! (mall directory) 

There will be VAT refund for your purchases. Spend more than 2,000baht in a single day and you will be eligible for the VAT refund. Remember to bring along your passport.

A short walk from either Siam Paragon or Platinum Fashion Mall, you can find more stores for the endless thirst to shop at 6.  Central World and 7.  The Big C.

The only reason I went to The Big C was to buy the snacks at their Big C supermarket, and I am not the only crazy tourists to do that. Dried mango, tom yum-flavoured instant noodles, fried seaweed, Pocky sticks (blueberry-, strawberry-, almond chocolate-, banana-, green tea- flavoured), instant Thai milk tea mix and lots more. Halal certified brands are sold there. They even provide empty cardboard boxes outside of the store for those who intend to pack their groceries back to their country.    

Avoiding the Crowd & My Little World

There will always be a crowd at popular holiday destinations. It is unavoidable, even if I travel on a non-peak season. For some odd reason, I will naturally gear to the path with "least resistance". Lesser people, slower stroll, more time to enjoy the surroundings.

While travelling to Korea last year, I was often missing-in-action to my travelling buddies. They would then spent their precious time finding me. I am grateful to have them looking out for me but I was not lost. I was just walking a different path from them. My radar was always tracking where they were. When I noticed they stopped and looked worried, I immediately popped up beside them like a magician. Then, *poof* I vanished once again.

I like being in my own little world. Observing the scenery, the people, the things, the food... There are so many to be awed by. Nothing can beat Nature. No matter how amazing the architecture or futuristic the art, Nature wins. It tops in its shapes, its colours, its overall serenity. My appreciation then leads to realization that the creator of them must be more beautiful, more powerful, more lovely. ^_^

Nami Island, South Korea

    

       

Detachment #1c: 1 Month

It is done. One month, 30 days. That is all it takes to change anything I want, if I put my mind into it. Time to move on with other areas of my life. Smiling as go along...  ^_^

Behind the Smiles

After a month of fasting,  Eid celebration is the time to gather and catch-up with relatives. The delicious food, the colourful traditional clothes, the bustling environment are things I look forward to every year.

For the past 3 days, I had a number of heart-to-heart conversations. There are lessons to be learnt everywhere, if only we listen.

I learnt:

• Everyone has their own set of challenges. It will not be portrayed on their faces because they are patiently enduring their hardship. They will not complain of their situation, instead they only share their experiences as an advice to the younger generation. 
• Change own self to the situation. By changing the perspective on viewing the situation, one could understand and appreciate the hardship. This will alter the way we respond to them. 

These are simple lessons, but the reminder helps.

-------------
The best of reminders is from the Quran.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2015 ^_^

Detachment #1b: Clear Boundaries

It has been 3 weeks since any contact with Person X. It does get easier as time passes. However, there are times when I wish he would rekindle the relationship. Bah, humbug! Come on, I can do this. God, please give me strength.


These are my steps to detach myself from him. The aim is to set clear boundaries.

Step 1: Clearly define relationship
My last message to him was to clearly state that we are better as friends and I gave my reasons. Rather than cutting a good guy out of my life, I rather have him as a friend. I also eliminate the ambiguity of our relationship. I tried my best to end things will a good note. I have never understood the need to play the "vanishing game" on others. I believe that it would be better to clear all misunderstandings and separate amicably.     

Step 2: Cut any unnecessary contact
As (casual) friends, I will limit myself to just sending well wishes to him during celebrations.



The only determinant of success or failure is self-discipline to stay within the boundaries.
[I can do this... I can do this...]

False Independence

Being independent is always seen as one of the perks in becoming an adult. Sometimes, we even gain false confidence from the thought that we are independent. But, are we really independent?

In life, we are always dependent on something or someone. For instance, we depend on our employer to pay our salary on time. We depend on our families to be a support in troubled times. We even depend on the transport system to reach work on time. Dependence is normal. It is not only subjected on humans but on everything that exists. Pets depend on the owners to feed them. Wild animals depend on the availability of natural resources (environment, food, water). In actual fact, we are interdependent. There is a cobweb of dependence that links everyone and everything together!

The misplaced confidence that we get from thinking we are "independent" is destructive. I believe it is one of the roots of arrogance. Instead of being grateful, we sometimes attribute the success to ourselves leading to excessive self-pride and forgetting our roots.


Within any monotheistic religion (the belief in only one God), the dependence is only to the one God. This is because the one God is the creator of everything that exists. I as a human am a creation of God. Rather than putting my dependence on other creations (e.g. sun, moon, fire, water, animals, other humans), I place my trust and dependent entirely on the creator, God. To me, it is the most logical conclusion. Without my religion, I would be lost.

Detachment #1a: A Person

The heart easily attaches itself to someone or something. Be it a crush, or a boyfriend, or makeup or fashion. Whatever it is, some attachments are good while most are bad. To detach from them is a decision made after considering their pros and cons.

I am trying to detach from someone. The kind of link that we have is very vague. We like each other. The use of the word "we" itself felt weird. We were never an item. We were in the floating realm of more than friendship but not a couple. I was naive, I must have confused myself in using "love" than "like".

Communication is the key to any relationship, and unfortunately, that was missing. I barely know this guy, yet I was attached to him. I wonder if he ever thinks about me, if there is any chance of us being together in future. Let my imagination run wild...

After the burst of lovey dovey emotions, my rational thinking overtakes. It is not possible to be in love with someone when I know so little of them. Logically, a long distance relationship with little communication just will not work. It will NOT work. I blame myself for falling for him. Maybe it was a moment of weakness, I was just insecure and made myself vulnerable. The truth is till now, I cannot pin point the reason of falling for him. Everything is just a blur.

Nevertheless, I have made a decision to cut this unhealthy attachment. He will just be a friend to me. I will not be in contact with him other than random well wishes. I have popped the fairy tale, now I just need to ensure it remains deflated.      

Locking my Heart

I am grateful for the good life I had. Most of my life was smooth sailing. No major bumps. I just "go with the flow". However, when something bad happens, I crumbled. A big smile on the outside but a broken heart within. It was hard opening up to anyone because it is not my nature to.

Talking to someone about my problems just reignite the emotional hurt and anger. Usually, I would ignore my emotions and force myself to forget the incident. But this time, I did gabbed about it to a few of my close friends. It was days after enduring the stabbing pain in the heart.

I finally understood the meaning of  "heartbroken". The pain was intense. It was like as though someone smashed my glass heart. A part of it was broken into small pieces, and I was frantically trying to glue it back together. I felt helpless. No one was able to help me.

Emotions are tricky to handle. Be it pain or love or hate. These feelings just popped out of no where and can easily overtake your actions in a heartbeat, if you let them to. But, I believe that these emotions are what that makes us humans. I really need to learn how to handle these wild horses...  


"Time heals". Does it, really? I think it does. But depending on the healing process, there might be the presence of scars. For me, I have a scar. Every time I recall that moment, I can feel the stabbing pain. The intensity of that pain is lesser but it is still there. It affects me greatly. I question the notion of "trust". Why should I trust anyone? The letdown is so much more if it involves someone I trust.

At the back of my head, I know it is not possible to live without trusting anyone. I am not going to allow myself to become paranoid of others. I am not going to close my heart to others. I have done that before and it is not a life. I would be a robot, doing what I am required and feeling empty inside.

For now, I need time to heal. Not to heal the cut but to heal the scar. I am locking my heart temporarily...