Detachment #1a: A Person

The heart easily attaches itself to someone or something. Be it a crush, or a boyfriend, or makeup or fashion. Whatever it is, some attachments are good while most are bad. To detach from them is a decision made after considering their pros and cons.

I am trying to detach from someone. The kind of link that we have is very vague. We like each other. The use of the word "we" itself felt weird. We were never an item. We were in the floating realm of more than friendship but not a couple. I was naive, I must have confused myself in using "love" than "like".

Communication is the key to any relationship, and unfortunately, that was missing. I barely know this guy, yet I was attached to him. I wonder if he ever thinks about me, if there is any chance of us being together in future. Let my imagination run wild...

After the burst of lovey dovey emotions, my rational thinking overtakes. It is not possible to be in love with someone when I know so little of them. Logically, a long distance relationship with little communication just will not work. It will NOT work. I blame myself for falling for him. Maybe it was a moment of weakness, I was just insecure and made myself vulnerable. The truth is till now, I cannot pin point the reason of falling for him. Everything is just a blur.

Nevertheless, I have made a decision to cut this unhealthy attachment. He will just be a friend to me. I will not be in contact with him other than random well wishes. I have popped the fairy tale, now I just need to ensure it remains deflated.      

Locking my Heart

I am grateful for the good life I had. Most of my life was smooth sailing. No major bumps. I just "go with the flow". However, when something bad happens, I crumbled. A big smile on the outside but a broken heart within. It was hard opening up to anyone because it is not my nature to.

Talking to someone about my problems just reignite the emotional hurt and anger. Usually, I would ignore my emotions and force myself to forget the incident. But this time, I did gabbed about it to a few of my close friends. It was days after enduring the stabbing pain in the heart.

I finally understood the meaning of  "heartbroken". The pain was intense. It was like as though someone smashed my glass heart. A part of it was broken into small pieces, and I was frantically trying to glue it back together. I felt helpless. No one was able to help me.

Emotions are tricky to handle. Be it pain or love or hate. These feelings just popped out of no where and can easily overtake your actions in a heartbeat, if you let them to. But, I believe that these emotions are what that makes us humans. I really need to learn how to handle these wild horses...  


"Time heals". Does it, really? I think it does. But depending on the healing process, there might be the presence of scars. For me, I have a scar. Every time I recall that moment, I can feel the stabbing pain. The intensity of that pain is lesser but it is still there. It affects me greatly. I question the notion of "trust". Why should I trust anyone? The letdown is so much more if it involves someone I trust.

At the back of my head, I know it is not possible to live without trusting anyone. I am not going to allow myself to become paranoid of others. I am not going to close my heart to others. I have done that before and it is not a life. I would be a robot, doing what I am required and feeling empty inside.

For now, I need time to heal. Not to heal the cut but to heal the scar. I am locking my heart temporarily...