Numb Heart

After everything that had happened, I realized how numb I was to emotional pain. My logical mind is now in control. It sensed the danger of any incoming possible situations that would hurt me and it will trigger my defence to be up. I will close myself from that person, which includes staying away from him or asking him straight if he meant to hurt me. 

My mom described me as being hard-hearted. I called it "a way to protect myself and survive in this world". I admit that is not the right way to handle things, but for now, it is the only way I know to buy some time for my broken heart to heal. 

I read a quote "Truth is, everyone is going to hurt you; you just got to find the ones worth suffering for". It made re-look at my state. Maybe I just have not met the right person. Am I expecting too much from a person? I admit that I am not perfect so I should not have expected anyone to be as well. 

Even in this state, I believe that my family will always be the core of my heart.   

My Hardest Battle, with Myself

"Life is not meant to be easy. If it is, there will not be a need for heaven."

A quote I read online. And I agree. 

In my short time here, I realized that challenges are there in life for us to learn and mature. It will also repeat itself until we pass them. It is like a game with many levels, without destroying the boss of that level, there is no way one can go to the next level (unless you have cheat codes). Plus, everyone is at a different difficulty level. Most adventurous gamers would go for the highest difficulty, while others prefer the easy or medium. In life, the type of challenges all of us are facing is dependent upon the resilience of the individual. Unfortunately, we do not know of our breaking point. But God knows, he is our creator, of course he knows. All the challenges he gives, is at a level that is catered for us individually. It is like a personalized game dedicated to each and every one of us.

My biggest challenge is the emotional aspect. Maybe I am too logical, too black and white, too square. I am now learning how to handle relationships. I had never analyzed the meaning and dynamics of family, friends and colleagues. It is surprising that I managed to breeze through life in ignorance. Things happened, and I was forced to think about them. I acknowledge my ignorance, my stubbornness and my failed logic in many disillusioned conclusions. I questioned "trust". 

Years passed and I am still learning about it. But, I am grateful for everything that happened. I will never say it out aloud and will feign disappointment in public when people ask about it. For all the bad things that happened, the good things outnumbered the bad. And when I looked back at the bad things, there is always good lessons that comes out from it. ^_^ Thank you, God. 

Korean Language Studies

I have been studying Korean Language on-and-off. Before that, I tried Japanese Language and Arabic Language. In all of my language classes, I was always the odd student who attend class just for my pure intention of appreciating the beauty of the ONLY the language itself. Most students were interested in the culture and music. Because of that, I tend to lose my passion of learning those languages to completion.


Anyway, here are two great online resources to learn the Korean Language for FREE!

1.  Talk to Me in Korean (TTMIK)

There are lots of sections to focus on here (grammar, vocabulary, culture, etc.). Their lessons are in bite-sized which allow easy digestion and absorption in the brain. There are 9 levels with each level having 20-30 lessons.

For each lesson, there are notes in pdf and an accompanying podcast (less than 30 minutes long). The notes can also be downloaded in bulk as an e-book for a small fee. There are also other paper-form books, such as workbooks and vocabulary books, that can be bought from their store.

Overall, their curriculum and resources are very comprehensive and their teachers are friendly. Their app is available for download into your phone. It makes for an easy listening while commuting.  

    

2.  The Cyber University of Korea (CUK) 

This is a recent found. It is a decent resource for those with some background in Korean language. I read that it was started last year. At current, they are focused for those who know the English or Spanish Language.

There are 4 levels with each level consisting of 15 lessons (less than an hour for each lesson). Similar to TTMIK, they provide notes in pdf but instead of a podcast, they have a video for each lesson. The rate of the videos are too slow for me. Fortunately, its speed can be forwarded to x1.25, x1.5 and x2.  

After each level, students are able to seat for an online multiple choice test. With the completion of each test, student will be given an online certificate indicating their completion. Since CUK is made in collaboration with Korea University, I believe the certificate will be of value. However I read that these certificates only extends to the equivalent of TOPIK level 3.5. If you are one who prefer a more worldwide recognized certificate for Korean Language, I recommend going for TOPIK tests in your own country.    

I hope this is helpful. There are lots of resources out there, but to be able to locate these gems are rare.

  

Detachment #2: Time-Wasters

I waste my time a LOT. I never intended to, but majority of the time I do. Facebook and Youtube are my source of time-wasters. I only blame myself for not having a strict rigid schedule for my life.

Is anyone like me? Everything I do is dependent on my mood. Take this post, I had the urge to write what is on my mind and I am typing it now. My "To-do" list is empty, mainly because everything I intend to do has no set deadline. And when someone push a task to me without prior notice, I will get upset even if I am free at that time.

So many defects in myself. Well, no use in drowning in my own self-pity. I am going to change. Gambatte!

I will now commit myself to not wasting my time. There will still be entertainment, it will just be limited. Throughout my life, I have had successful time-saving strategies. Unfortunately, I tend to drop the habit as soon as my amount of responsibilities lessen or when I felt that I was too extreme. Another reason will be to numb myself from the situation I am in. I have been trying my best to find the balance in freeing up my time for family, friends and self versus immersing myself in my interests (learning new subjects or skills).



Step 1: CHANGING MY MINDSET
My mood should not dictate my activities.
Time is precious, do not waste it.
Be a productive human.
By these 3 simple sentences, let me reboot my mind and code them into my brain.


Step 2: LIST ACTIVITIES, SET A TIMETABLE & STICK TO IT
Paper, pen and Google calendar. I shall give myself this coming week to adjust myself to the routine.
It will be a long-term commitment and will not be easy. Let's see how this goes.


     

Airplane Rides

It is nice to escape from life once in a while. Traveling is so easy these days. Book an airplane ticket, be present for the flight, and I arrive in a new country where no one knows me.



During my first few flights, the idea of being in the skies was exciting. How can such a big airplane fly? I know there are physics concepts behind that, but my curiosity was there. I was excited, my eyes were big and shining, like a kid. There will be a background countdowns in my mind at takeoff and landing times. The increasing pressure within the cabin gave me an adrenaline rush. In the skies, the sky looked amazing! A horizon of fluffy clouds was beautifully lighted by the rays of the sun. Due to that I loved the window seat.




Now, I am still amazed by the beauty out the window but I am not bothered if I am not able to get my window seat. It is because, I always got distracted by the entertainment at my seat. For the price I paid, I felt the compulsion to watch to the newest movies or listen to the newest songs. As soon as I am onboard and sitting comfortably on my seat, I immediately get my headphones ready and start browsing through the huge selection of videos and songs. I only realized that my body was on auto mode during my last trip. No matter how sleepy I was, my body just moved and I will force myself to finish the season of "The Big Bang Theory".



This is not a good sign. Why am I distracted from the beauty that God has created? What changed? I was not like that before, I want my old me back... I sounded like a kid throwing a fit. ^_^
  

 

 

Shopping/Food Heaven in Bangkok

Bangkok is very accessible with the introduction of their train systems. It is possible to drive straight into the shopping craze as soon as you arrive at Suvarnabhumi Airport. Make your way to the Airport Rail Link train at B2 of the airport and travel to the various shopping heaven below.    

There will always be 2 prices that they will quote; "single price" (1 piece) and "wholesale price" (2 or more pieces). For wholesale prices, some stores might limit that to buying more than 1 piece of the SAME design. Better to ask than assume. Plus, try bargaining a few bahts off.


1.  Pratunam Market

Via the red Airport Rail Link, stop at Ratchaprarop station. The whole area of Pratunam Market is a packed, messy mixture of clothing, accessories and street food. It is impossible to cover everything in a single day. 

Plus, there are the morning and night shifts for some food street stalls. The food at the streets are more delicious and cheaper than those in a regular stores. For only 150baht, you can get a medium-sized bowl of seafood tom yum soup! Halal stalls and stores are hard to spot but they are there, try venturing into the nooks and crannies of the alleys and look for the halal signs.    

Be careful of the traffic of vehicles on the cramped street. It was horrific and sad to see a flattened rat along the street.  

2.  Platinum Fashion Mall

Platinum Mall is famous with tourists. It is a walking distance from Pratunam Market. The mall is organized to clothing in the first 3 levels, bags and shoes in the next few levels, and their foodcourt in the highest level 6. Added plus point, it is air-conditioned. 

For the Muslims, there is only 1 halal stall at their foodcourt selling "yellow rice with chicken" and "yong tau fu". The desserts there are great as well.

3. Chatuchak Weekend Market

This is further. Transfer to the pale green Sukhumvit Line and ride to Mo Chit station. Once there, just follow the crowd to the market. 

The market is open on Saturdays and Sundays at 9am to 6pm, and Fridays at 6pm to midnight. The place is supposedly sectioned into many categories according to their products (Map of Chatuchak Market). For me, I am not bothered about those sections. Just walk around leisurely and you will stumble upon some great finds. 

There are lots to shop for there but hydrate yourself with the fresh coconut water or some amazing Coca-Cola flavours (e.g. cherry) from the stalls.

      

4.  Artbox 

Episode 5 of the event just ended on the 9th August 2015. I do hope they would continue with more episodes to come. The last venue was at Makkasan Railway Station via the Airport Rail Link.

Their concept of using plain white shipping containers for a storefront rather than regular tentage was interesting. The outdoor event was lighted with strings of bright yellow lights, giving it a magical feeling. There was even a live band playing with engaging hosts. Visitors were even encouraged to participate in their games.

Clothing, food and music. There are many stalls that sell handmade goods. For instance, passport covers, bags, perfumed flowers and printed T-shirts. (more info)

         

5.  Siam Paragon

Plopped yourself at Siam Station, on the pale green Sukhumvit Line. Siam Paragon is an air-conditioned mall with high-end brand stores, regular stores (e.g. Isetan), food stores and a cinema! (mall directory) 

There will be VAT refund for your purchases. Spend more than 2,000baht in a single day and you will be eligible for the VAT refund. Remember to bring along your passport.

A short walk from either Siam Paragon or Platinum Fashion Mall, you can find more stores for the endless thirst to shop at 6.  Central World and 7.  The Big C.

The only reason I went to The Big C was to buy the snacks at their Big C supermarket, and I am not the only crazy tourists to do that. Dried mango, tom yum-flavoured instant noodles, fried seaweed, Pocky sticks (blueberry-, strawberry-, almond chocolate-, banana-, green tea- flavoured), instant Thai milk tea mix and lots more. Halal certified brands are sold there. They even provide empty cardboard boxes outside of the store for those who intend to pack their groceries back to their country.    

Avoiding the Crowd & My Little World

There will always be a crowd at popular holiday destinations. It is unavoidable, even if I travel on a non-peak season. For some odd reason, I will naturally gear to the path with "least resistance". Lesser people, slower stroll, more time to enjoy the surroundings.

While travelling to Korea last year, I was often missing-in-action to my travelling buddies. They would then spent their precious time finding me. I am grateful to have them looking out for me but I was not lost. I was just walking a different path from them. My radar was always tracking where they were. When I noticed they stopped and looked worried, I immediately popped up beside them like a magician. Then, *poof* I vanished once again.

I like being in my own little world. Observing the scenery, the people, the things, the food... There are so many to be awed by. Nothing can beat Nature. No matter how amazing the architecture or futuristic the art, Nature wins. It tops in its shapes, its colours, its overall serenity. My appreciation then leads to realization that the creator of them must be more beautiful, more powerful, more lovely. ^_^

Nami Island, South Korea

    

       

Detachment #1c: 1 Month

It is done. One month, 30 days. That is all it takes to change anything I want, if I put my mind into it. Time to move on with other areas of my life. Smiling as go along...  ^_^

Power of Filters

  

Behind the Smiles

After a month of fasting,  Eid celebration is the time to gather and catch-up with relatives. The delicious food, the colourful traditional clothes, the bustling environment are things I look forward to every year.

For the past 3 days, I had a number of heart-to-heart conversations. There are lessons to be learnt everywhere, if only we listen.

I learnt:

• Everyone has their own set of challenges. It will not be portrayed on their faces because they are patiently enduring their hardship. They will not complain of their situation, instead they only share their experiences as an advice to the younger generation. 
• Change own self to the situation. By changing the perspective on viewing the situation, one could understand and appreciate the hardship. This will alter the way we respond to them. 

These are simple lessons, but the reminder helps.

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The best of reminders is from the Quran.